Conker: Live & Reloaded
by JP the Robot Hedgehog
Summary: 4 years after Conker's Bad Fur Day, Professor Von Kriplespac returns with his Tediz and a revived Berri as their commander and destroyed the Panther Kingdom! Conker and Rodent rejoin the SHC to defeat them once and for all! But what about Berri?
1. Prologue

A/N: I do not own Conker or any characters and places related to him or the series. Only the OCs and the story.

**Prologue**

The scene opens showing a wasteland at night, filled with squirrel skulls littering the whole place.

_3 billion squirrels' lives ended one night in the year 2001…4 years later, the survivors lived only to face a new nightmare…it wasn't a war against the machines…it was a war against…_

Suddenly a robotic foot stomps and crushes one of the skulls, the camera moves up revealing a cyborg teddy bear like creature holding some kind of futuristic rifle.

…_the __**Tediz**_…

The screen zooms out into a full screen of a fierce war between an organization known as SHC (Squirrels High Command), an army made out purely of squirrels of all kinds, against the demonic and evil cyborg teddy bears known as the Tediz. Bullets flying, explosions, guns blazing, vehicles being destroyed and blown up, blood splatters as friend and foe alike was being killed one after the other.

Meanwhile, a group of elite troopers of the SHC were watching the war from their hideout, concerned and worried about how to end this terrible war against those terrifying creatures. Until they notice someone walk in, they salute to him.

_The resistance needed a hero…what they got was a fearless, courageous…and unrelenting warrior…_

The screen reveals the hero, to be a red squirrel with blue eyes, wearing a green helmet with the SHC logo on it, a bullet mark, some blood stains on it, was wearing an army outfit, smoking a cigar and carrying an assault rifle over his shoulder, watching the war from behind a barrier of sand bags, through his binoculars. He took his eyes off the binoculars and looks at the reader.

"I'm back!" he said.

_Conker the Squirrel. This young warrior, was once a greedy, alcoholic jerk, but after undergoing so many terrible events in the past he become the king of all the land, plus owning all the money in the world. But unfortunately, he had soon come to realize, that what is important in life is what you've already have. To make matters worse, his true biggest desire in life was killed before his very eyes. Now, no longer a king, he is now fighting a war against these terrors._

As Conker was watching the war, he suddenly looked down in sadness, "Berri…" he whispered.

"Hey son, you okay?" Conker looked up to see a large, strong squirrel with a big mustache and wearing a high ranked SHC outfit. It was the SHC Colonel.

Conker sighted. "Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about it." He said.

"Good, listen well soldier, even though you were the king of all the land, I must warn you, this enemy is even far greater than the one we faced in the past." SHC Colonel said. "You are our Hero soldier in the army, you along with our elite soldiers will have to penetrate the Tediz's Headquarters just across the wasteland and take them down once and for all."

"Yeah, I get the picture…" Conker said. "So, how are our elite soldiers?"

SHC Colonel turned to the elite soldiers and cleared his throat. "Attention!" he said. "Listen up, you are our elite soldiers and you must help our Hero infiltrate the base undetected in order to put this war to an end once and for all!"

The Elite soldiers nodded as they revealed themselves.

"Now, I want a status report…Demolisher?"

"I'm pumped!" A large powerful squirrel carrying a bazooka barked in excitement.

"Long Ranger?"

"In position and ready to go!" A tall and handsome squirrel with an eye patch over his right eye, carrying a sniper rifle said.

"Sneeker?"

"Can't wait!" A female chipmunk posing like a samurai with her katana said.

"Thermophile?"

"Showtime baby!" A squirrel with googles carrying a flamethrower said.

"Sky Jokey?"

"Ready to fly sir!" a squirrel in a pilot suit said.

"Squirrel Shield?"

"Reporting for duty sir!" a small squirrel wearing glasses and wearing an indestructible suit of armor saluted.

"Alright, it's the assault of the century!" Colonel said. "Now move out men! Move, move, move!"

"Aye aye sir!" Conker and the elite soldiers saluted.

Conker went ahead followed by elite squad as they along with the elite soldiers went inside their transport, that would take them across the war zone. Inside, Conker was feeling fired up to take down the Tediz, but at the same time he couldn't stop thinking about Berri as he looked at a picture of hers he always keeps with him. She was a tall grey chipmunk with blonde hair in a ponytail style, wearing a pink tank top and shorts; she was twice Conker's size.

The Squirrel Shield soldier went up to him. "Thinking about your girlfriend Conker?" he asked.

"What the?" Conker quickly hide the picture. "Rodent! How many times I have told you not to interrupt someone's moment?"

The Squirrel Shield soldier, known as Rodent, looked down with shame. "Sorry Conker, I didn't mean to…" he said sadly. "I understand what it means to lose someone you love."

"Hmm?" Conker looked a little confused at Rodent.

"Even though you two didn't seem to hang out as much as you did when you were kids, deep inside you've always loved her like she was the true reason for you to continue on and never give up on your life…" Rodent said. "I know this, because you're my best friend Conker."

"Rodent…" Conker looked surprisingly touched by Rodent's words.

"Conker, when the war is over, remember, I'm your one and true friend, and I'll always be there to help you when in need." Rodent said.

Conker remained silent after hearing those words from Rodent. It's true, everything he said was true. Berri was the love of his life ever since their childhood. But since Conker became a greedy alcoholic, their relationship started to go downhill, until their heist on the Feral Reserve Bank, where the tragedy took place: Berri was killed before his very eyes by Don Weaso, under orders from the Panther King. Worst of all, he became the king of all the land and owed all the money in the world, but didn't have anyone to share with and was surrounded by people who annoyed him throughout his adventure. Conker was surprised because, even though Rodent was one of them, he actually looked up to him as a true friend.

"Rodent, you…" Conker broke down in tears before he could say anything.

"Come on Conker, now is not the time to cry, we have a war to fight, and you need to be strong!" Rodent said patting him on the back. "Berri would have liked it better this way, and you know it!"

"You're…right…" Conker said as he whips away his tears. "Now's not the time for crying, now it's time to put an end to this war, once and for all!"

"That's the spirit Conker!" Rodent said happily.

Then the Demolisher soldier walked up to them. "Hey, don't forget about me man!" he said. "I'm your friend too!"

"And me!" The Sneeker soldier said.

"And us!" The Long Ranger and Thermophile said, along with the Sky Jokey.

"You guys…" Conker didn't know what to say.

Suddenly, they react in surprise when the ship suddenly shook violently. "Buckle up guys! The Tediz are trying to prevent us from reaching their base!" The Sky Jockey, who was piloting the transport announced. "I'm in need of some extra fire power to defend the transport!"

"Right, count me in!" Conker volunteered.

"Me too!" Rodent volunteered as well.

The other elite soldiers also volunteered. Conker and the elite squad got into their torrents. Tediz were shooting missiles and sending fighters to take them down. Conker along with the others fire at them in order to prevent them from causing any damage on the transport. It was a long trip and battle, but soon after, they finally reached the enemy base.

"Alright! We're over the enemy lines now!" the Sky Jokey announced. "There's no place to land though so you'll have to parachute all the way there.

"Fine, let's move out soldiers!" Conker announced.

"Aye aye sir!" The elite squad saluted to Conker.

Conker, Rodent, and the Elite Squad, excluding the Sky Jokey who remains piloting the transport, walk up to the door. When it opened, it revealed the night sky over the Tediz Base down below.

"Okay…" Conker and the elite squad dash out of the transport and into the open air. "GERONIMO!"

Conker and the elite squad sky dive all the way down toward the Tediz Base, when suddenly a bunch of heat seeking missiles fly toward them.

"Oh no you don't!" Conker pulls out his assault rifle and fires at the heat seeking missles.

"Uh oh!" Rodent retreated into his suit. The missiles hit him, but didn't leave a single scratch on his suit.

The Demolisher fires his bazooka at the missiles, the Sneeker slices them in two with her katana, the Long Ranger shoots them with his sniper rifle and the Thermophile uses his flamethrower on them.

When they were near the ground, they pull out their parachutes and landed safely in the base. Soon after, a squad of cyborg Tediz appear, hissing toward them as they fire their weapons at them, but they dodge it.

"Eat blaze Mother buzzers!" Conker shouted as he fires his assault rifle at the Tediz.

"BBQ time!" the Thermophile fired his flamethrower at the Tediz.

"Slice and Dice losers!" The Sneeker sliced them to bits with her katana.

"Come on you Mother#$&%ers!" The Demolisher battle cried as he fired his bazooka at the Tediz.

"Ratatatatatatatatata!" Rodent battle cried as he fires a pair of Mini Guns at the Tediz.

"Heads up $%&#head!" The Long Ranger fired his sniper rifle at Tediz from far away.

Conker and his elite squad unleash their fury on the Tediz army, showing no mercy and leaving no one behind. Soon after, Conker and his elite squad went separate ways in order to penetrate the interior of the base, while Conker and Rodent went together through one way.

As Conker and Rodent went on, they stumble upon a high security door with two buttons on each side.

"Hmm, I suppose one of these buttons will open the door, while the other will…ya know, frying tonight?" Conker asked Rodent.

"Actually, it's the lastest of high tech security: a double button door." Rodent explained.

"Uh huh, and what does that mean?" Conker asked.

"It means you need to press both buttons on each side of the door at the same time, in order to open it." Rodent said.

"Oh, okay, I'll push this one while you push the other." Conker said.

"You got it partner!" Rodent said as he walked up to the other.

"On the count of three!" Rodent and Conker got into position. "One…two…THREE!"

Conker and Rodent successfully pushed the two buttons at the same time, thus opening the door.

"Hey! That worked! Let's go!" Conker said ready with his assault rifle.

"Right behind you!" Rodent said ready with his Mini Guns.

Conker and Rodent venture their way through the hallways. More Tediz pop out from their hiding places and attack them with their weapons.

Rodent gets in front of Conker and retreats into his suit, protecting him from the Tediz's shots. Next Conker and Rodent fire their weapons at the Tediz, killing them. They continue on through the hallways, avoiding all kinds of traps such as laser fences and flamethrowers, along with attack torrents and more Tediz. Conker and Rodent proved to be an unstoppable team against all of these. Along the way, the elite squad helps out by taking down a few traps they couldn't get past themselves from where they were.

Hours later of avoiding traps and killing Tediz, Conker and Rodent reached a large metallic door. "Looks like we've reached the center of the base!" Rodent said. "I think…"

"You think?" Conker asked.

"Uh, yeah…" Rodent said nervously.

"Right, only one way to find out, we have to see what's on the other side." Conker said.

"Yes, but first we need to figure out how to open it." Rodent said.

"Zorry, but you won't get any zuther then zis!" a familiar voice spoke.

"Huh? I recognize that voice!" Conker said in suspicion.

Rodent looked back and saw a rocket flying toward Conker. "CONKER LOOK OUT!" the squirrel jumped in front of the missile and retreated into his suit, taking the hit for Conker, thus saving his life.

"What the?" Conker looked behind and noticed Rodent coming out of his suit. "Rodent?"

"Ah #%$&! You #&%$ing Squirrel Shield ruined my plan!" the person revealed to be a pissed off legless weasel wearing a lab coat with the left side of his face and left arm replaced with cyborg parts and sitting on a hoverchair equipped with a rocket launcher, lasers and machine guns.

"Professor Von Kriplespac!" Conker growled in disgust

"Ah, Conker the Squirrel, the little #$&%er who defeated my Tediz in the past now trying to ruin my plans to take over the world again!" Von Kriplespac glared. "Well, time to meet your doom!"

"I don't think so asshole!" Conker growled ready with his assault rifle.

"I'll help too!" Rodent said ready with his Mini Guns.

**PROFESSOR VON KRIPLESPAC (Theme: Ze Professor)**

Von Kriplespac fires his machine guns at the two squirrels. Rodent uses his suit to protect Conker and himself from the shots. Conker fires his assault rifle at Von Kriplespac, but he dodges swiftly.

"Too slow, ya little #&$%er!" Von Krisplespac glared and charges at them in a blue energy field.

"ACK!" Conker and Rodent were knocked backwards by the professor's attack.

"Take that!" Von Krisplespac laughed maniacally.

Conker growled furiously, he fires a grenade from his assault rifle at Von Krisplespac, but the mad scientist type villain dodged it swiftly. Rodent tries to fire his Mini Guns, but he dodges it too.

"DIE!" Von Krisplespac shouted as he fires his lasers at them both.

Rodent struggles to resist the attack with his suit, while Conker remains behind him. Conker tries to shoot Von Krisplespac with his assault rifle and manages to hit him.

"AAARGH!" Von Krisplespac cried in pain as he took damage from Conker's shots.

"Yeah! I've gotcha!" Conker grinned.

"I'm not zinished vet!" Von Kriplespac growled he fires his missiles at them.

Rodent continues to block his attacks using his suit while Conker remains behind him. Conker then fires his assault rifle's grenades, but the mad professor dodges them.

Next Von Krisplespac charges at them in a blue energy field, knocking both Rodent and Conker backwards against a wall.

"OW!" both of them cried in pain.

Conker growled as he and Rodent fired their weapons at Von Krisplespac, but he keeps dodging their shots. The mad professor then fires his machine guns, but Rodent blocks them with his suit while Conker hides behind him.

"Here I go!" Von Krisplespac charges at them in a blue energy field again.

"Oh no you don't!" Conker grabbed Rodent and both jumped out of the way.

"What the $%&#?" Von Krisplespac cried in terror as he ends up ramming against the wall.

"NOW!" Conker and Rodent fired their weapons at Von Krisplespac's hoverchair from behind, causing some damage.

"AAARGH!" Von Krisplespac cried in pain from the damage, as he recovers. "You little $%rs!"

"What's the matter? Come and get us!" Conker taunted.

"You vill not make a fool out of me!" Von Krisplespac fires his machine guns and missiles at them.

Rodent keeps blocking them with his suit, with Conker remains behind him. Conker then fires his assault rifle at the mad professor, but he dodges with ease.

"Now, you vill DIE!" Von Kriplespac fires his lasers at them.

While Rodent blocks the attack with his suit, Conker then fires a grenade from his assault rifle and hits Von Krisplespac!

"AAAAAARGH!" Von Kriplespac cried in pain from the damage. "You little…huh?" he hears a strange noise coming from his chair. "Oh $%&#!" his chair brakes down and collapses on the floor. "OWWW!" Von Krisplespac fell off the chair.

Professor Von Kriplespac was defeated.

"We…we beat him!" Conker said. "Yeah! We beat him!"

"Yeah, we showed him!" Rodent said.

"Now, back to the door!" Conker said.

"Yeah!" Rodent said.

Both Squirrels walked up to the door when suddenly they hear a rumbling noise and the whole place shaking. "Wha? What now?" Conker demanded.

Then suddenly a titanic cyborg Tedi landed next to them. It was 20 feet tall, mechanical left side, arms and legs, sharp claws, and a horrible arsenal of weapons, as well as a cockpit on top of his head.

"Ah, my newest pet, Mega Tedi!" Von Kriplespac laughed maniacally.

The giant cyborg Tedi walked over to Von Kriplespac, picks him up and places him in the cockpit in his head. The professor then pushes a button, covering the cockpit with a protective windshield.

"Oh man, no way we can beat that! We have to run away!" Conker shouted.

"Agreed!" Rodent said.

And both squirrels ran as fast as their legs could.

"Mega Tedi! Kill!" Von Kriplespac ordered as his new monstrous pet started chasing them both.

"All elite units! Abort mission! Evacuate back to base for a debriefing!" Conker shouted on his communicator to the rest of his elite squad as both he and Rodent were chased by the professor and his monster.

As soon as they made it out, The elite soldiers already managed to reach the transport, Von Kriplespac was gaining on both Conker and Rodent. Suddenly someone blocked their way, but it wasn't a Tedi, it was…

"No!" Conker gasped in horror as a grey female chipmunk in a lethal outfit, sunglasses and wearing a mechanical helmet on her head was blocking their way.

"This is not good!" Rodent said.

"Ah yes! The commander of my new Tediz army, Berri!" Von Kriplespac laughed maniacally. "Go! Attack them!"

"Berri! Stop! It's me! Conker!" Conker tried to talk sense into Berri.

Berri however sends a roundhouse kick at them. Conker saw this and he ends up pushing and sending Rodent flying toward the transport, while he was hit by the kick and was sent flying into the Mega Tedi's grip.

"Conker!" Rodent screamed in terror as he landed back inside the transport.

"You guys go! It's better me then you guys!" Conker screamed under the monster's grip.

"No way!" the Demolisher was about to fire his bazooka but was stopped by Rodent and the others.

"No! Don't shoot! You might hit Conker!" Rodent screamed.

"But…" the Demolisher was about to protest.

"Let's just do what he says, there's nothing we can do to save him now!" the Sneeker said.

"Fine…" the Demolisher said disappointed.

"Here we go!" the Sky Jokey announced as they were off flying, leaving Conker under the deadly grip of the Mega Tedi while Von Kriplespac laughed maniacally and Berri just stood there emotionlessly.

"Vooks like your so-called vriends have abandoned you!" Von Kriplespac laughed. "How does it feel to finally meet your end? How does it feel to be attacked by the once your girlfriend?"

"Berri! Please! Listen to me! It's me, your boyfriend, Conker the Squirrel!" Conker shouted at the top of his lungs while struggling in the grip.

"It's no use, Berri is completely under my control now! She answers to my will alone!" Von Kriplespac said evilly. "She knows nothing about you anymore!"

Conker kept struggling under the monster's grip, as Von Kriplespac laughs evilly and Berri stood there emotionless.

**Conker's POV**

I guess it's true what they all say, life does flashback before your eyes, when you're in the brink of death. 4 years ago, before all this mess started, I was just a regular squirrel. I was raised by my parents, to be a good little squirrel boy, always follow the rules, avoid being greedy and alcohol. I've followed these rules as a child and as a child…I met Berri, the cutest, most beautiful chipmunk a guy like me could ever meet. We both started a relationship very quickly and soon we even started living together in our own little house. It was love at first sight indeed!

But as years passed, my life had most certainly started going downhill. I have recklessly disobeyed my parents wishes, I've became a greedy alcoholic, who unnecessarily insulted anyone who annoyed me, going to pubs hanging with my pals, drinking until I became drunk and I hardly got to see Berri, who was easily annoyed with my new bad behavior.

Then one day, I woke up in a place known as the Panther Kingdom after drinking too much rounds of beer. There I've had an adventure of many horrible events and met a bunch of morons who annoyed me to death through it all. I had to retrieve a hive for a queen bee, fight some fire guys in their giant boiler robot, battle a singing pile of poo, fight some cavemen, getting turned into a bat by a vampire, join the first war against the Tediz, met the Fairy Panther King, double-crossed by Don Weaso, who shot Berri to death, and then take down an alien in a vault whish was actually a spaceship, with the help of some software designers, during the game's lock up. After all those events, I was crowned king of all the land by the same people who annoyed me to death. I was mad at myself and all of this, because I completely forgot to ask the programmers to bring Berri back to life and was left sitting on the throne, surrounded by those idiots.

It was a day I liked to call: a "Bad Fur Day".

However, 4 years later, I was shocked to find out that Professor Von Kriplespac had indeed survived his peril after being sucked out the air lock during the final battle of my Bad Fur Day, and he was leading the Tediz again, now more powerful than ever before. He completely overpowered us and destroyed more than half of the Panther Kingdom. But the worst part is: his Tediz commander was none other than Berri! Apparently, the Professor somehow brought her back to life and turned her into his puppet! I was shocked beyond belief!

Rodent and I so far were the only survivors of his assault and we were saved the last minute by the SHC (Squirrels High Command). The Professor and his Tediz then built over what used to be the castle a giant fortress, which became his and his Tediz main base of operations.

No longer the king of all the land, I have decided to join the SHC and defeat that bastard and his Tediz once and for all! This is going to be an adventure I like to call: Live and Reloaded!

**CONKER: LIVE & RELOADED**

A/N: So? What do you think? I'd say it's a great beginning for a continuation of Conker's Bad Fur Day, a story based on the war between the SHC and the Tediz! Well, R&R if you would like to see the next chapter! Peace!


	2. The nightmare begins

A/N: I do not own Conker or anything related. Only my OCs. The rest belongs to Rareware and Microsoft.

**CONKER: LIVE & RELOADED**

**The nightmare begins**

**Conker's POV**

Before I start explaining my Live and Reloaded Adventure, I am going to explain exactly how the assault on the castle happened.

So, like I said, it all started 4 years after my Bad Fur Day. I was sitting on my throne, drinking a goblet of milk, trying to put up with this new way of life.

Like I said: after all those horrible and beyond bizarre incidents, I have spent these past years as the king of all the land, and I owned all the money in the world. But the truth is…I DIDN'T want ANY of that. All I ever wanted was to return to my home sweet home with…Berri…

I sighted. "Berri…" I moaned. "I wish you didn't have to die…"

Yeah, Berri is all I wanted in this whole entire world…but no. Because she was killed before my very eyes, by that bastard Don Weaso!

**(Flashback)**

After I had collected all the wads of bills in the vault, I had become a millionaire, when I noticed Berri looking at something.

"Hey Berri! What are you looking at at?" I asked her.

"Conker honey!" Berri pointed at something from behind me.

I looked back and saw what appeared to be a black panther in a king's outfit, crown included and all that stuff.

"Oh…easy come, easy goes." I said. "Who is this guy? Berri? Do you know him?"

"Ya got me." Berri replied.

"Hmm, yes, at last…a red squirrel…good…" the panther said in a dark chilling voice.

"Red Squirrel?" I asked myself. "Oh, I think he means me…I don't recognize this guy…unless he's…the Fabled Panther King! But, he lived only in stories, like my mum used to tell me to put me to sleep. Guess he was real after all…the Fairy Panther King."

The Panther King looked at me surprised. "Who're you calling a fairy?" he roared angrily at me.

"What? No, I mean "Fairy" as in ephemeral…like a fable, like a legend, like it doesn't exi…meh, doesn't matter." I said.

"Oh no! Doesn't matter, not anymore…not for you." The Panther King said. "Weaso!"

Next Don Weaso, a mafia boss-type weasel appeared next to the Panther King. "Right here boss!" he said.

"Your bounty!" The Panther King offered him a wad of bills.

"Ah, thanks very much!" Don Weaso accepted the bill. "So what are we gonna do with them?"

I could not believe this! Don Weaso double-crossed us both! I couldn't help but feel anger boiling up my blood.

"Leave the red squirrel to me!" The Panther King said.

"What? So you're not going to kill him?" Don Weaso asked.

"Not exactly…" The Panther King said.

"Stand back Conker, I know how to deal with men like this!" Berri said standing up for me.

"Ah, such loyalty…misplaced!" The Panther King said and turns to Don Weaso. "Get rid of her!"

"Easiest thing in the world boss!" Don Weaso said and pulled out a Thomson Gun. "Sorry Doll Face, but business is business! Adios!"

I ducked thinking he was going to shoot me, but little did I realize he was shooting Berri to death, until he ran out of bullets.

"What the? Hey mind where you sh…" I trailed off when I noticed Berri laying in a pool of blood breathing heavily. "Berri?" I walked up to her in concern.

"Con…k…er…" Berri breathing heavily as she tried to pull me into an embrace, while I tried to embrace her back, until she stopped breathing.

"Berri? Berri?" I called, but she didn't reply. "Oh no!" I whispered as I realized she was dead.

**(End of Flashback)**

"If that bastard ever shows his face in front of me, he won't live long enough to see his next happy birthday!" I growled under my breath.

And I really mean it! That bastard killed my girlfriend under that Panther King bastard's orders! Seriously! Who does something like that? It's unforgivable!

Meanwhile, I look at the halls of the throne room, there are those two weasel guards, then there's those female cogs, Marvin the mouse with gas problems, along with a hunk of cheese, Franky the Pitchfork, Ron and Reg, those two annoying bastards, a paint can and a paint brush respectively and finally Rodent, a childhood friend and drinking buddy of mine.

These guys are all my servants, who look up to me and praise me as their king. I've meet them all during my Bad Fur Day, and I helped them out with many problems. But the truth is…they are idiots, idiots who annoy the hell out of me! I just wish they could leave me alone and stop bugging me and thinking I am their king! I don't want to be the king of anything! I just want to live a normal life! I want my Berri back!

"Sire? Are you okay?" One of the weasel guards asked me.

"NO! I AM NOT! I DON'T WANT TO BE KING! I WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE WITH BERRI INSTEAD OF LIVING IN A CRAPPY LIFE LIKE THIS!"

My outburst echoed throughout the whole castle to the rest of the kingdom. I was so furious I couldn't stop thinking about Berri and what an idiot I was being an alcoholic and a materialist, whish all resulted into this crappy life.

But as soon as I calmed down, I've realized everyone was staring at me with scared looks on their faces.

"Oh my! The king is feeling cranky!" Franky said.

"Yeah! He yelled all of the sudden, even louder than a fog horn!" Ron said.

"Yeah, even louder than a fog horn!" Reg said.

"HEY! I though I've told you to stop repeating me!" Ron glared at Reg.

"Oh, sorry…" Reg apologized.

I said nothing, everyone kept starring at me scarred of my sudden outburst, until Rodent walked up to me.

"Conker? Care to explain what is troubling you?" he asked me, and I've noticed his expression filled with concern.

"Meh, I don't want to talk about, it ain't any of your business…" I said in depression.

"Want some cheese?" Marvin asked me offering the cheese, who was screaming in terror.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." I said.

"More milk then?" one of the weasel guards asked me holding up a pack of milk.

"No, I'm not thirsty anymore…" I said.

"Is there nothing you want at all sire?" the other weasel guard asked me.

"No, there's nothing else I want, you're all dismissed." I said, trying to make them leave.

"But Mr. Squirrel…" Franky tried to talk to me.

"I said: YOU'RE ALL DISMISSED! NOW PISS OFF!" I outburst again

No one replied, they simply ran out of the room in fear…all except Rodent. "You too Rodent!" I said.

"Oh, okay…" Rodent said a little depressed as he started to leave, suddenly he stops and turns to me. "Uh, Conker? If you ever want to share your problems with me, then please meet me in the Cock and Plucker, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever…" I said.

And with that Rodent finally left…strange…Rodent seemed to be very concerned about me. I could tell by the look on his face. I know we have been friends since we were kids, but…oh who am I kidding? I do have a problem and I need to get over it, but how? Perhaps Rodent can actually help me? Hmm…I guess I should at least give it a shot, or I ain't going nowhere with this.

**Normal POV**

Meanwhile, somewhere in outer space, on board of a sinister looking space station, an evil plot was being plotted. Evil robotic teddy bear like creatures known as the Tediz were patrolling the whole place, some were at the training course practicing for their future battles, while others were simply having fun playing M rated games and reading porn magazines. One Tedi soldier walks down the hallway until he reaches the main office door.

"_Permission to speak with our glorious leader!_" the Tedi spoke in a chilling evil tone, using his germen gibberish.

"_Granted!_" one of the Tediz guarding the door spoke in the same tone, allowing his fellow Tedi brother walk in.

The Tedi soldier went inside the main office. "_Master! Our troops are awaiting your orders to assault the Panther Kingdom! All we need now, if your permission to attack!_" he said.

"Permission…granted!" the leader revealed to be none other than Professor Von Kriplespac. "Vinnaly, after all these past 4 yearz, I vill zainally have my vengeance! That vittle $&%# is gonna be sorry for ejecting me through that air lock!"

**(Flashback)**

Conker pulls the lever, which ends up opening the airlock, it starts sucking everything into space, including the Panther King's corpse and his throne.

"WARNING! WARNING! AIR LOCK OPEN! AIR PRESSURE COMPROMISED!"

Next Conker entered a mechanical exo suit, ready to battle Heinrich the Xenomorth, who was about to grab Berri's corpse.

"Get away from her you bitch!" Conker threatened.

Heinrich turns to Conker, as Berri's corpse was sucked into space through the airlock.

"Oh! Oh! Oh no!" Von Kriplespac cried as he started to get sucked into space. "Vat is? Oh! I vorgot about ze airlock! Oh #$&%! What the #$%&! Oh! Oh, I didn't put the high power! Oh I knew I should have done that!" he cried as his hoverchair was sucked out the airlock and into outer space, while he continued to struggle. "Whose idea was it to go into space? Oh, it was mine! #$%&! This is it! This is the end! No legs! And now no life!"

He cried in terror as he was ultimately sucked out the airlock and into the cold void of space, leaving only Conker and Heinrich onboard the ship, as they engage in a battle to the death.

**(End of Flashback)**

"Vit was all that $%&#ing squirrel that I nearly died, and now, ze's going to pay for it!" Von Kriplespac laughed maniacally.

"_Indeed you will my liege! You were lucky we were close enough to scoop you up before you could suffocate." The Tedi soldier said. "By the way, you and our new commander will be joining us?_" he asked.

"Yes! In fact, I have a little surprise for him!" The madman-type weasel chuckled evilly as he turned to a shady figure in the shadows. "Soon, he will fall and my rein shall rise again! It will be like killing two birds with one stone!"

Von Kriplespac continued to laugh evilly as the camera zoomed toward the shady figure in a dramatic way.

Meanwhile, back with Conker…

**Conker's POV**

I was walking down the road from the castle and on my way to the bar. As I walked I could get the feeling I was being followed. I look at my surroundings, but saw…no one! Well, except for Birdy the Scarecrow, sleeping next to a tree, and a few empty bottles of beer lying around him. I shook my head in disbelief as I continued to walk, but little did I know I was being followed by someone.

Finally, I made it to town, I see all the people in the streets just minding their own business, in order to prevent them from going after me, all I had to do was keep a low profile and no other funny business. I entered the Cock and Plucker bar. I look around and see a bunch of people minding their business, Da Weasels playing their music and waiters serving the costumers. Then I saw Rodent sitting at the table drinking some root beer. I walk up to him and sit right next to him.

"Oh, hello Conker!" Rodent greeted me. "Would you like a bottle?"

"Uh, sure." I said and Rodent called the barman to get me a bottle of root beer.

A few minutes later, the barman came up to us giving me a bottle of root beer. "Here ya go, on the house." He said before he left.

"Well anyway, I suppose you've came here because of what we had talked about earlier, right?" Rodent asked me as he drank

"Yeah, that's pretty much about it." I said after I drank my bottle.

"Well, you know that I am your friend since we've met in school and I am here to listen to your problems." Rodent said. "Care to explain what is troubling you?"

"Fine…it all started 4 years ago…" I ended up explaining to Rodent about my Bad Fur Day, from the party in the bar, to the hang over leading me to the Panther Kingdom, to retrieving the Queen Bee's hive, blah, blah, blah, blah…and finally, I've told him about Berri's death at the hands of Don Weaso under the Panther Kingdom's orders. I've also told him about how the Panther King died due to the fact that professor guy planted an alien egg inside him, and then the alien suddenly busted out from his chest. I've tried to get rid of him by throwing him out the air lock, but he kept jumping back in. Then I ended up telling him about the lock up…

"A lock up?" Rodent looked at me confused.

"Never mind…anyway…" I continued on, and then I told him I finally killed the alien by decapitating him with a katana sword in the throne room, when suddenly he and the rest of the guys showed up and crowned me king, all when I suddenly I came to the grim realization that Berri was still dead. "And the rest…you already know." I finished my story.

"Oh…I'm sorry Conker, I didn't know…" Rodent looked down in depression.

"No Rodent, it's not your fault…it's kind of mines…" I said sadly. "I promised my parents that I would never touch alcohol and to be a materialist…but in the end, look at what I have become…because of that stupid hangover, I ended up living the worst day of my life and lost the woman I love!" I bursted into tears. "BERRI COME BACK TO ME!"

"C-Conker! Get a hold of yourself! Everyone is watching!" Rodent called in panic as everyone in the bar was starting to stare at us.

"I DON'T CARE!" I cried out loud I ended up running out of the bar.

"Conker! Come back!" Rodent called and ran after me.

**Normal POV**

As Conker ran down the streets crying, with Rodent running after him, a cyborg Tedi, wearing a red ninja like clothes who was watching them. It was a Sneeker class Tedi. He pulls out his communicator.

"_He's heading back to the castle! You guys better hurry up and attack now!_" The Sneeker Tedi said.

"_Roger!_" someone on the other side said.

Meanwhile, on the other side was a Grunt class cyborg Tedi, as he turns to his comrades. "_Go Tediz! Attack! Show no mercy! Leave nothing behind and take no prisoners!_" he shouted.

The other Tediz hissed as they unleash and fire their cannons at the castle.

Meanwhile, inside the castle, the servants feel the whole castle shaking. "Whoa! Like, what's going on!" Franky cried.

"Agh! We're under attack!" Ron panicked.

"Yeah! Under attack!" Reg panicked as well.

"Quit repeating me!" Ron glared.

"Sorry." Reg said.

"Everyone! Protect the castle!" one of the weasel guards said.

Soon after, the Tediz managed to blast the main gate open and infiltrate the castle, shooting and blasting everything and everyone on sight.

"EEEK! RUN!" A female cog panicked as she and the others ran from the Tediz.

"Like, run!" Franky panicked as he ran from the Tediz.

"RUUUUUUN!" Ron panicked.

"RUUUUUUN!" Reg Panicked.

"You're really asking for it chump!" Ron glared.

"Sorry…can't help it…" Reg said.

"ACK! RUN!" Marvin panicked as he ran with the cheese in hand.

The castle guards were trying to fight back, but they all end up being killed in gruesome ways by the cyborg teddy bear terrors.

"CONKER! HELP US!" all servents and a few of the guards panicked as they ran and struggled to fight against the Tediz, but in vain.

Meanwhile, with Conker and Rodent…

**Conker's POV**

"Conker! Where are you? Conker!" Rodent kept on calling out for me, until he found me sitting by a rock. "Oh, there you are Conker! Come on, it's time to go back to the castle!"

I didn't reply, I just could stop but think about how stupid I was to disobey my parents and let all my life go to hell. Because of that, I let Berri die and I completely forgot all about her right before I was crowned king of this damn kingdom. I swear, if Don Weaso ever shows up, he's gonna pay with his life!

"Conker! Snap out of it!" I heard Rodent shout at me. "Come on, crying over something that happened in the past isn't going to get you anywhere!"

"What do you mean?" I growled.

"Uh…" Rodent hesitated when he noticed something near by. "Hey! Why don't you try stepping onto that B thing there?"

"Huh?" I looked confused until I noticed Rodent pointing out a Context Sensitive pad. "Okay, why?"

"I don't know, maybe it can help you feel a little better, or not…anyway, go on and step onto it." Rodent said.

"Fine, like I have a choice…" I groaned and walked up to the Context Sensitive pad.

As soon as I stood on it, a light blub appeared over my head, and then next thing I know is I took tranquilizing pill, and suddenly felt in a better mood.

"Wow, I feel a lot better!" I said. "I still feel mad about that thing, but not as much as I was before now! Thanks Rodent!"

"You're welcome Conker!" Rodent said happily. "Come on, let's head back to the castle.

"Ok." I said.

We both started walking back to the castle, when we suddenly realized that there was smoke coming from that direction.

"What the heck?" I said. "Why is there smoke coming from the castle's direction?"

"Yeah, unless…" Rodent gasped all of the sudden. "That castle's under attack!"

"What? But who would be attacking the castle?" I asked.

"Maybe it's one of those rival kingdoms who want to overthrown you!" Rodent guessed. "Come on! We've got to drive them out!"

"Fine, let's go!" I said.

**Normal POV**

The castle was more than half destroyed, all the guards were useless against the invading Tediz. The servants were all cornered by a squad of them.

"Man, the king was only out for a few hours and we're suddenly cornered by these terrors!" Marvin said shaken.

"I just wish he would hurry up and save us!" Ron said.

"Yeh, save us!" Reg said.

"Reg, do you even realize that you just keep repeating me over and over?" Ron glared.

"Sorry…" Reg apologized.

"_So, any last words?_" one Tedi asked in a cruel tone.

"Could you please just stop attacking us and leave?" Franky said. "Cuz if not, King Conker will show up and kick your butts!"

"_That red squirrel? Heh, we can easily kill him now that we have a secret weapon!_" the Tedi soldier said. "_Men! Ready your weapons_!"

The other Tediz aim their rifles at the servants, ready to kill them. "_Ready…aim…choose a target…annnnnd…FI-_" the Tedi soldier was suddenly killed by a knife sent flying against the back of his head.

"_What the?_" the other Tediz noticed their fallen comrade with a knife stabbed on the back of it's head, then they notice Conker, holding a pair of knives, while standing on another Context Sensitive pad, and Rodent was right next to him.

**Conker's POV**

"Tediz! I though you guys were blown to smithereens back on your little island." I said glaring at them.

"It's the king! We are saved!" Franky cheered.

"Yay, King Conker! Teach these teddy bear monsters who's boss!" all servants cheered.

"_The red squirrel!_" a Tedi soldier said. "_GET HIM!_"

"Get behind me! Quick!" Rodent jumped in front of me and retreated inside of his suit.

All Tediz fired their rifles, but thanks to Rodent and his armor, I was completely unharmed. "Alright, time to finish you guys off, right here and now!" I said as I pulled out my nailed baseball bat, and using Rodent as a shield.

All Tediz tried to shoot and kill me, but no matter what they throw at me, Rodent's suit was able to handle them and protect me. I charge at them and bash and crack their skulls to bits with my bat.

"_Hold still and drop that shield so we can hit ya you $%&#ing bastard!_" a Tedi yelled at me, but I end up cracking his skull to bits with my bat.

Soon after, I finished killing all Tediz in the room. "There, I think we've got them all…" I said panting. "Go job Rodent!"

"With pleasure!" Rodent said.

All the servants then gathered around me overjoyed about me rescuing their butts. I guess I just couldn't blame them. The Tediz are evil and cruel after all. However, it wasn't over, when suddenly an explosion destroyed the castle walls completely. I looked back along with everyone else and to my shock; I could see a certain cyborg weasel on a hoverchair, laughing maniacally at me.

"Ah, Conker the King I presume?" the weasel asked. "HAH! King MY ASS!" he laughed maniacally.

"Yeah, well, you don't seem to realize something: I never asked for this life to begin with." I told him in apathy.

"Of course not, all you ever wanted was to go home with your beloved girlfriend, who unfortunately was killed in front of your very own eyes!" the weasel taunted.

"Shut up! You don't know anything about me OR Berri!" I yelled. "Besides, weren't you supposed to have died after you got sucked out into space or something?"

"Vah yes, I was! I thought I was a goner for sure, but luckily I've still had more Tediz where that came from!" the weasel said. "So %&$# you!"

"Whatever! I beat you, your Tediz and your pet alien, and I can beat you again any day of the week!" I said.

"Yeah! You tell him sire!" the servants cheered for me.

"Oh really?" the weasel asked me.

"Yeah really!" I said.

"Well then…I believe it is time you meet my Tediz's NEWEST commander!" the weasel said. "Come forth!"

With that, this "commander" character emerged from the shadows and…no! No way! Not possible! It can't be! I tried to deny this, didn't want to believe this was true! But it was…

"Surprised? I know you are!" the professor weasel guy said. "Everyone, say hello to the commander of the Tediz: Commander…"

"BERRI!" I cried. "Berri! I can't believe this! You're alive! But how? I saw you get shot by Don Weaso!"

But the commander, who indeed was Berri, still in that cool outfit, except she was wearing this strange helmet over her head, didn't reply, she just stood there emotionless.

"Berri?" I asked confused. "Why won't you say anything?"

But she still didn't reply. She just stood there emotionless. Until that professor weasel guy gave her an order.

"Commander…KILL HIM!" he ordered.

And then, Berri pulled out her Assault Rifle and started firing at us!

"Conker!" Rodent used himself as a shield to protect me from her shots.

"What the! Berri! What the heck! It's me Conker!" I tried to reason with her, but her only response is shooting her Assault Rifle at me, while Rodent kept on using himself as a shield.

"Hey! You leave our majesty alone!" Franky yelled and attacked her.

"Franky NO!" I shouted.

Then Berri saw Franky coming and roundhouse kicked him away against the wall, knocking him unconscious.

"Dude! I say we RUN!" Marvin panicked; he grabs the cheese and runs off.

"Yeah, me too!" Ron said following him.

"Hey! Don't forget me!" Reg said following him as well.

"Don't worry dear! We'll help you!" a female cog said. "Ladies!"

"Yeah!" the other two female cogs said.

The female cogs charged at Berri unleashing their wrath, Berri fought back, resulting into a catfight between them. I just stood there watching, helplessly behind Rodent, who was hiding inside his suit. The mad weasel continued to watch with delight.

"Commader…FINISH THEM!" the weasel ordered.

Then, next thing, Berri grabs all three female cogs and tights them up in chains, and sends them flying against Franky who was still out cold.

"Berri! STOP!" I called, but she still ignored my words.

Then the next thing, a whole bunch of Tediz entered the room, with Marvin, Ron, Reg and the cheese hostage.

"_My liege! What should we do with these little $%rs?_" one Tedi soldier asked.

"Put them with the rest of the little bastards over there, and knock them out first!" the professor said.

"_Okay!_" the Tediz then knocked Marvin, the cheese, Ron and Reg out, and toss them on top of Franky and the cogs.

"Now Commander Berri! Finish these two off!" the professor ordered pointing at me and Rodent.

Berri turned back to me and Rodent, only this time, she puts away her Assault Rifle, and pulls out a big knife, as she approached me in a dangerous manner.

"Come on Berri! Please! You don't want to do this! I'm your boyfriend! Please!" I kept on calling her out while using Rodent as a shield, but she continues to ignore me.

However, before she could do anything, she suddenly dodged some incoming bullets with a back flip jump.

"Huh?" I looked confused.

"What the $&%#?" the professor looked dumbfounded.

I looked up and saw a huge flying transport, armed with heavy weapons, the hatch open revealing the Colonel of the SHC along with a few grunt soldiers.

"Quick boys! Get on board and let's get the hell out of here!" the Colonel shouted as he tossed me and Rodent a ladder.

At first I hesitated, when I noticed Berri and the Tediz approaching in for the kill. "Forgive me Berri, but don't worry, I'll rescue you…somehow…" I whispered softly as I grabbed the ladder along with Rodent. The transport flew up high, with the Tediz trying to shoot us down, but the Sky Jockey piloting the transport activated the defensive force field to prevent them from causing any damage.

Rodent and I climbed up the ladder until we were inside the transport. "You boys alright?" the Colonel asked.

"I'm okay, but I'm afraid Conker isn't…" Rodent said as he looked at me, realizing my depression.

"What's the matter son?" the Colonel asked me.

I didn't reply as I looked out the window, and all I could see was the castle being blown to bits by the Tediz, thinking about what happened back there.

"Berri…" I whispered. "I'm sorry…"

Next thing I know, I fell down and blacked out, and all I could hear was Rodent calling out for me in concern…


	3. The future war

A/N: I do not own Conker or any related characters and places. Only my OCs.

**CONKER: LIVE & RELOADED**

**The future war**

**Conker's POV**

I felt like he's been out cold forever, even though it was only a few hours. As I woke up, I didn't find myself in the castle or the transport…but I found himself in the underworld, as I recognized the gothic and spooky place I now found myself in.

"The underworld?" I asked. "What am I doing here? I'm not dead…am i?"

"Not really ya little prick!" I heard a familiar high pitched voice. "The underworld has summoned you here to give you a warning!"

I looked over my shoulder and saw none other than the short, high pitched voiced, cat-hating grim reaper. "Well, if it ain't Gregg the Grim Reaper!" I greeted sarcastically.

"Quit the sarcasm ya little prick, for I have a message for you!" Gregg glared bitterly at me.

"Yeah, okay, what do ya have to tell me?" I asked.

"Well, according to my masters, there should have been two individuals who were supposed to have showed up here, yet they didn't." Gregg explained. "One was a legless weasel freak with cyborg body parts, and another, a blonde chipmunk with a ponytail and…dreamy looking wonder spots."

I gave Gregg the death glare when I realized he was talking about Berri's wonder spots. "Hey! You watch it buddy!" he growled.

"Silence you little prick and let me finish!" Gregg growled back. "As I was saying, what happens is, this weasel freak has somehow, shall we say, rescued by a group of robotic teddy bears, along with your girlfriend's corpse. Now, apparently, the weasel freak has brought your girlfriend back to life, except he made her into his puppet and commander of those teddy bear things."

"Berri…" I whispered in concern.

"While you and your indestructible friend managed to escape, the weasel and his new army have just destroyed completely what used to be your castle along with the rest of the Panther Kingdom." Gregg continued on. "We're still not sure what he's planning, but one thing is certain: a new war between the squirrels and the evil teddy bears will begin, and you are the only one who can put an end to it!"

"Me?" I asked. "Why does it have to be me to solve every problem?"

"Hold your horses there, you smart arse, I'm not finished yet!" Gregg threatened with his scythe. "The thing is, you are the one who's going to put an end to the future war, but that doesn't mean you'll be able to do it on your own! You're going to need a team of specialists, a team of brave and experienced soldiers to help you out! However, they are all scattered all across the globe, so you and the other squirrels will have to find them yourselves."

"Oh, cool!" I said. "But…what about Berri? Is there any way to bring her back to her senses?"

"Bah! How should I know!" Gregg said. "Sorry ya little prick, but you'll have to figure that out on your own!"

"Okay, okay…I'll figure something out…" I said sadly, but feeling even more concerned about Berri.

"Well, that's my message, now piss off! I've got some cats to see!" Gregg said as he left, while mumbling about how much he hates cats.

I looked around my surroundings when I've noticed a red squirrel tail hanging from a hook. "Berri, no matter what, I will rescue you, I promise!" I vowed as I walked over to the tail and grabbed it.

The tail was absorbed into my body as I grabbed it, then the next thing I know is a huge skeleton hand come out of the darkness and pick me up, sending me back to the living world.

"Conker! Conker! Wake up!"

I slowly opened my eyes, and saw Rodent and the Colonel looking at me in concern. "Rodent? Colonel guy?" I asked.

"Damn! You sure is lucky bastard you're still alive!" the Colonel said.

"Conker! You've been unconscious for hours! We've been worried about you!" Rodent said.

"Yeah, sorry about that…" I said as I got up from my bed, but still feeling dizzy. "Where are we anyway?"

"You're now in the SHC Fortress' hospital!" Rodent said. "We thought you were in a bad condition so we've brought you here as fast as we could."

"Oh…" I said. "Wait! The SHC Fortress?"

"That is correct son! You are now in the Squirrel High Command's HQ!" The Colonel said. "You guys sure is lucky bastards for ever surviving that assault in the castle! It seems that the Tediz have returned along with their leader: Professor Von Kriplespac!"

"Von Kriplespac?" I asked.

"Yup, that's the mad weasel freak's name…also known as the former Weasel King!" the Colonel said. "The leader and true creator of the Tediz!"

"Huh?" I asked when suddenly I remembered something. "The Weasel King? But I though he only lived in fairy tales that my mum used to tell me to put me to sleep?"

"Fairy Tales my ass!" the Colonel said. "He is real alright! He's been forced to work as the Panther King's professor ever since he chopped his legs off!"

"Chopped his legs off?" I asked when I realized something. "Oh yeah, I remember that weasel freak was flying on a hoverchair, due to the fact he didn't have legs at all! But still…are you sure he's really the former Weasel King?"

"If he's the one leading the Tediz, then there's no doubt he's the former Weasel King himself!" the Colonel said.

"Conker! The Weasel King still has Berri as his slave and they destroyed more than half of the kingdom!" Rodent said.

"Say what?" I gawked.

"Take a look at this!" the Colonel said turning the TV on, showing a news report about how the Tediz destroyed more than half of the Panther Kingdom, even showing pictures of the Tediz unleashing their terror, along with that professor guy, Von Kriplespac to be exact, and…Berri…I was shocked beyond words, along with anger.

"That bastard!" I growled. "If he thinks that he can turn my girlfriend into his puppet, he's got another thing coming!"

"Not only that, Von Kriplespac has also constructed a giant fortress over the castle's ruins!" Rodent said. "He made it into his Tedi army's HQ and plan to spread their wrath across the whole world!"

"Across the whole world?" I asked.

"Son! You and Rodent defeated the Tediz before, so I'm counting on both of you to put a stop to Von Kriplespac's plans ASAP! Understood?" the Colonel asked.

"Just me and Rodent?" I asked. "Sorry, but I don't believe it will be enough to infiltrate that fortress."

"Say what!" the Colonel gawked in shock. "Whaddya mean?"

"I don't think it's enough!" I said. "I met Von Kriplespac before, and if he's this dangerous, then I'm pretty sure he has made his fortress a place almost impossible to infiltrate."

"Then what do you suggest Conker?" Rodent asked.

"To infiltrate Von Kriplespac's fortress, we'll need a team of specialists!" I said. "We need a team of brave and experienced soldiers, who won't flinch in a game of chicken! Soldiers who can survive almost everything, but when together, they are almost invincible!"

Rodent and the Colonel looked at each other, until they came to the conclusion. "Son! That is the brightest idea I've heard since my mama taught me how to stand up against all those bullies back in high school!" the Colonel said.

"That's out king!" Rodent said.

"Sorry Rodent, but I'm no longer a king." I said as I took off the crown off my head. "From now on…I'm just Conker!" I dropped the crown on the ground. "Conker the Squirrel!"

"Wait! You're giving up on being a king?" Rodent and the Colonel asked in shock.

"Yeah, I've never asked for this life in the first place…" I said. "All I wanted was to live a normal life, with Berri! But no! Because she was first killed by Don Weaso and now that bastard Von Kriplespac revived her and is using her as his puppet and commander for the Tediz and only I can rescue her!"

Rodent and the Colonel stood there silently until the Colonel spoke. "Then…Conker the Squirrel…you will rejoin the SHC and lead the assault on Von Kriplespac's fortress?" he asked me.

A light bulb appeared over my head, then, I pulled the curtains and after a few seconds, I show that I've changed from my normal clothing, the blue hoodie, green shorts, both with yellow high lights and my sneakers with my SHC uniform, along with the blood covered helmet. I put on a lightened up cigar in my mouth and pull out an Assault Rifle.

"You bet your ass I will!" I said posing in a badass way with my Assault Rifle.

"Then it's settled!" the Colonel said. "Conker and Rodent! I'll leave you two in charge of recruiting the best of the best soldiers you can get for the assault ASAP! We have a war to fight!"

"Yes sir!" Rodent and I saluted.

"Good luck!" the Colonel said as he left singing. "I don't know what I've been told, do do do do do do do! I…uh…I don't know what I've been told…do…uh…doo…bah! $%&# that #$%&!" he swore after he messed up his song.

**Normal POV**

Meanwhile, I Von Kriplespac's new fortress…

The new fortress was a horrific palace, heavy weaponry for security system, cyborg Tediz patrolling every single corner, willing to kill any intruder they find. Meanwhile, Von Kriplespac was in his lab watching with delight the construction of his new Tediz, while Berri, still a mindless puppet minion of his, just stood there next to him showing no emotion.

"_Sir! We have found the portal to the Dark Place!_" one Tedi soldier reported.

"Ah, excellent! We shall finally vinish off those &%$#ing Kulas of Conk!" Kriplespac laughed maniacally.

"_Uh…yeah, that's the problem…_" the Tedi soldier spoke nervously. "_We have no idea how the portal works!_"

"What the #%&$?" Von Kriplespac gawked. "What vo ya mean!"

"_That's just it! We've tried to activate the portal, but no matter what, we just couldn't activate it!_" the Tedi soldier said.

"Damn it! Vow can zat be?" Von Kriplespac demanded. "SHOW ME THE PORTAL NOW!"

"_Y-yes sir!_" the Tedi soldier said nervously.

The Tedi soldier led Von Kriplespac, followed by Berri, through the base as they went deeper to the last floor of the basement, where they found a circular stone structure, which was buried underground, until the Tediz had dug it up.

"_This is it my liege!_" the Tedi soldier said.

The legless mad weasel hovered over to the structure on his hoverchair as he examined it very carefully, while the Tediz watched nervously and Berri just stood there silently and showing no emotion at all.

"Hmm, ves! I think I zee the problem!" Von Kriplespac said. "Zis is no ordinary device! It is an ancient dark magical portal, which only the Panther King knew whish was it! In order to open it, ve will need the knowledge of this spell and use it to open it!"

"_That's a great idea!_" one Tedi soldier said. "_Except…you killed the Panther King…_"

"I know that fool! However, if I recall, the Panther King once had a diary where he wrote down all of his secrets…but fearing someone might want to use it to unbanish the Kulas, or for whatever other reason, he tore it apart to pieces and scattered each piece of his diary all across the globe!" Von Kriplespac said.

"_So, what we need to do is find them…sounds easy enough…_" one Tedi soldier said.

"Not so fast soldier!" Von Kriplespac said. "Those SHC bastards also know about the Panther King's diary! They will surely try to stop you from getting them! So, I'm sending Berri along with our best soldiers!"

Von Kriplespac pushed a button on his hoverchair, summoning 5 Tediz, of different sizes and classes.

"Abreiben!"

"_Ready to blow %&$# up!_" a large and evil looking Tedi Demolisher said pulling out a Rocket Launcher.

"Schleichen!"

"_They won't know what hit them!_" a Tedi Sneeker wearing red ninja like clothes said pulling out a sharp sabre.

"Es!"

"_Its BBQ time!_" a psychotic looking cyborg Tedi Thermophile said holding up a flamethrower.

"Entfernung!"

"_I hunger for Head-Shots!_" a Tedi Long Ranger with an eye patch over his eye said holding up a Sniper Rifle.

"And Himmel!"

"_I'll blast them from above!_" a Tedi Sky Jokey in a pilot outfit said, cracking his knuckles.

"My elite Tediz, you and Commander Berri have been chosen for an assignment!" Von Kriplespac announced. "I'm sending you all on a mission to go around the world and gather every page of the Panther King's diary, so we can figure out what spell did he use to banish the Kulas of Conk to the Dark Place! Do you accept the mission?"

"_Yes my liege! We won't fail you!_" The elite Tediz said in their sinister tone.

"Oh and another thing…" Von Kriplespac said. "If you see a red squirrel along with his SHC buddies…KILL THEM!"

"_Yes my liege! The red squirrel and the SHC will soon no longer be a problem!_" the elite Tediz said even more sinisterly.

"Good!" Von Kriplespac laughed maniacally like an idiot when suddenly he stop due to a stitch. "OW! OW! I've gloated so hard I think I've pulled a muscle…" he complained holding his sides.

A/N: Here's the third chapter! Hope you enjoyed it! Want more? Then stay tuned for the next chapter of **CONKER: LIVE & RELOADED**! R&R please! It would encourage me to help me continue!


	4. A heartwarming reunion

A/N: I do not own Conker or anything related. Rareware and Microsoft do!

**CONKER: LIVE & RELOADED**

**A heartwarming reunion**

**Conker's POV**

Rodent and I were at the office as Rodent used his computer skills to hack into Von Kriplespac's new fortress, analyzing his security and all that stuff. My suspicion was correct when Rodent came to the conclusion that indeed we would need a team of specialists, who by working as a team will be able to breach it and unleash hell on that madman along with his Tediz.

According to Rodent's analyses, we're going to need a Demolisher for the team. Just so you guys reading this fanfiction might want to know, the Demolisher is a class of soldier, the strongest there is, because of their massive strength and use for heavy and destructive weapons, such as the Bazooka and the Rocket Launcher. Of course they have their own downsides too: their large size makes them an easy target and are much slower and their jumps are very weak.

Nevertheless, we're going to need a Demolisher for the team! Rodent then explained that the best Demolisher is a squirrel by the name of Bonker. As a teen, this squirrel was fascinated by wrestling shows and firearms. He then spent his entire adolescent life working out and learning how to use powerful weaponry until he finally got all the kinks out and joined the SHC as their Demolisher.

However his partner got seriously injured during one of the heists to the point of being unable to fight anymore. Bonker, blaming himself for it ended up quitting the SHC and left to parts unknown.

After doing much research, Rodent managed to find out that Bonker had departed to the Australian Plains where he met a strange dude called Cosmic the Mystic. As his name can tell, he's an ancient mystic who is a master of daydreaming and always finding ways to turn your mind from aggressive or sadden to peaceful and calm. In order to complete the training, Cosmic sent Bonker on a spiritual walk across the whole globe. Finally, he was last seen in a place called Flows O'Peace, a village full of rivers and quite the most peaceful of all, as it's name can tell. However, what Bonker is doing there is a mystery, but no matter, we have to re-recruit him back to the SHC ASAP, otherwise, I'll never see Berri again! …oh and the world will be over-runned by the Tediz.

**Normal POV**

Meanwhile, at Von Kriplespac's fortress, Berri and her Elite Tedi Squad climbed onboard their transport, while the mad scientist type told them the location of the first page of the Panther King's diary.

"Ze first page iz in a village called 'Flows O'Peace'!" Von Kriplespac said. "Now go! And if those SHC bastards try to stop you…then BLOW THE #%&$ OUT OF THEM!"

"_YES! Blowing &%$# up is what I do best!_" Abreiben said excited.

"_They won't know what hit them!_" Entfernung said ready with his Sniper Rifle.

"_I'll burn their fur!_" Es was egger to kill squirrels with his flamethrower.

"_Victory will be ours!_" All Elite Tediz shouted, while Berri just remained silent and emotionless.

"I am counzing on you my Tediz!" Von Kripslpac said. "Don't dizzapoint me, or it's the Duct Tape treatment for you!"

And with that, Berri and the Elite Tediz left in their transport, while Himmel piloting it, off to their next destination: Flows O'Peace.

Meanwhile, with Conker...

**Conker's POV**

Rodent and I were now on our way to Flows O' Peace, in our transport. Among us, were a few grunts to aid us in our mission and former grunt named Butch. He was Bonker's partner in missions, but after one mission, Butch was left barely alive and became paralyzed for eternity, and thus forced to now move around on a wheelchair. I thought it was just insane bringing a paralyzed squirrel with us on an important mission, but Rodent and the Colonel insisted that we brought him along, so they could help us convince Bonker to join re-join the SHC and help us kick that madman's ass. Well, I suppose it can't be helped, if I am going to save Berri, we need to defeat Von Kriplespac and his Tediz and Bonker will be invaluable for the cause. And so, we begin our first mission!

The transport landed on our destination, the door opened, we all stepped out and boy, was I amazed! Flows O'Peace, a peaceful village built by the numerous rivers around, and also many beautiful trees and stuff. Boy, it was so beautiful, once I save Berri I need to take her out with me to this place! But for now, I must focus on finding Bonker.

"This is it, Flows O'Peace." Rodent said and turns to Butch. "Butch, this is very important, we need your help in getting Bonker to re-join us for the elite squad!"

"I understand, I can't wait to see him again." Butch said. "I'll try not to get in your way."

"Yeah you better not…" I said coldly without realizing it.

"Excuse me?" Butch gawked.

"Nothing!" I quickly said realizing my rudeness.

"Oh, okay." Butch said.

"Okay, so we all know that this Bonker guy is in this village, so spread out and keep an eye out for them!" I ordered the grunts.

All the grunts saluted to me and scattered all over the village, but also careful enough to not disturb the villagers who were all minding their own business.

"Well, come on, we better get going!" I said to Rodent and Butch.

"Yes sir!" Rodent and Butch saluted and we were off to find Bonker.

And so, we began exploring the village, asking the villagers if they had seen Bonker, with Butch showing them a picture of Bonker. But little progress has been done so far, because apparently none of the villagers has seen him.

"Sorry my friends, but I am afraid I have not seen your friend." One villager responded.

"No, that face doesn't seem familiar to me at all." Another villager replied.

"I apologize, I have not seen him." Yet another villager answered.

Hours went on and on, and we haven't done any progress at all. It seems none of the villagers has seen Bonker.

"This is taking too long, just where the hell could he be?" I growled impatiently.

"Calm down Conker, the intelligence agency has confirmed that he was last seen here, we just need to keep looking for him!" Rodent said trying to calm me down.

"I want to find Bonker too, but don't get mad!" Butch said.

I said nothing, I was paying attention at the moment, I just kept only thinking about Berri and Berri only. I wished there was a way to get her back to her senses, but not even Gregg or his superiors know. I sighted…

"Hello?" Rodent called me out.

"Oh, sorry about that, let's keep moving then." I said.

Just then, a fellow grunt rushed over to us. "Guys! We found someone who has seen Bonker!" he said. "Come quick!"

"What!" Rodent Butch and I exclaimed.

"Than what are you waiting for man, take us to that person, quick!" I said.

"Follow me sir!" the grunt showed us the way.

We followed the grunt, who has leaded us over to the person who saw Bonker. When we got there, we saw an ancient old squirrel lady wearing gypsy clothes, and a few of the other SHC soldiers around.

"Here they are Madam Marian." The grunt bowed to the old lady.

"Ah yes, Conker the Squirrel and Butch, I have been expecting your arrival for quite a long time." The old lady said in a kind voice.

"What? How do you know my name?" I demanded, about to take out my assault rifle and blast her brain to bits. "Are YOU in league with Von Kriplespac?"

"Conker, don't!" Rodent stopped me with Butch's help. "That's Madam Marian, the world-renown fortune-teller! She knows many things that one could not possibly predict!"

"Oh really?" I asked curiously.

"Madam Marian!" Butch went over to her on his wheelchair. "It is an honor to finally meet you in person!"

"And you too Butch." She said. "I believe you have come in search of your old friend and partner Bonker?"

"Yes Madam, we need his help to defeat the Tediz once and for all!" Butch said. "Tell us where we can find him, please."

"I have had an encounter with Bonker himself; he came to this village in order to complete his spiritual quest given to him by Cosmic, in order to cleanse his spirit." Marian explained. "He says that he will not be able to return to the life he once belonged, until the red water runs clear."

She looks at her crystal ball. "You may find him by the largest river in this village located to the North, where he carries out his quest." She said.

"Thank you Madam." Butch said. "We'll head there now!"

"But beware, evil approaches this village, searching for something important and they will cause as much devastation as they can to find it!" she warned.

No one liked the sound of it. The Tediz attacking an innocent village just to get what they want? That's just typical of them! The Tediz have no honor and show no mercy to anyone outside their species! There is no doubt that she was telling the truth, but then again, can we REALLY trust these fortune-tellers in everything they say?

"I see that you doubt my warning Conker." Madam Marian spoke to me.

"Huh?" I asked clueless.

"You have the intention to destroy the Tediz, only to save Berri from the Tediz, but be warned, that sacrificing the entire world for one individual can be your downfall as well." She said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded angrily.

"I know that you Conker the Squirrel, was once a happy and polite squirrel who followed the rules, just like your parents wanted you to." She said. "But then you though that life was boring and instead started disobeying your parents drinking alcohol and doing things that are against all morals, rules and disrespect your elders."

"!" I was shocked to hear that.

"You don't care about others, you have become a materialist, leave everyone else to die and in the end, you lost the one person you loved in the whole world…" Marian carried on. "The King of all the land? Tsk, tsk, tsk…"

I didn't know what to say, I looked around and noticed all the soldiers going all "ooooooooh" in shock or just teasing me, while Rodent and Butch stare at me in concern.

"Yeah well, whatever you old gas bag…" I replied rudely. "…now if you excuse me, we've got a job to do!"

"Remember Conker, you cannot save Berri if you do not understand the true meaning of love and friendship!" I heard Marian speaking as me and the gang moved on. "And if you can't understand the true meaning of love and friendship, then Berri will remain a puppet under the Professor's evil clutches, forever!"

I wanted to ignore her babble and believe that she was actually insane…but those last words…hmm…no way, it's all fortune-telling, it's all fake anyway…now to find Bonker.

**Normal POV**

Madam Marian sighted as she witnessed Conker and the SHC heading North. "Poor little &%$#...I pray the spirits and the cosmos to protect you, in the hopes that you finally understand the true meaning of love and friendship, otherwise you'll get killed."

At that very moment she notices a flying air craft flying over the village.

"I hope he learns soon, because the enemy has already arrived…" she said as she noticed the Tediz symbol on the craft.

Meanwhile, onboard the transport, the elite Tediz squad was ready to cause havoc just to find the missing pages of the Panther King's diary, while Berri just stood there emotionless.

"_We are now flying Flows O'Peace!_" Hammel announced.

"_Alright, time to make it "Flows O'DEATH!_" Abreiben said ready with his rocket launcher.

"_Let's rock!_" Entfernung pulls out his Sniper Rifle, ready to shoot down any unsuspecting victim.

"_For the Tediz!_" The entire squad shouted.

Berri continues to stand there emotionlessly, but simply replied with a nod as she pulls out her trusty assault rifle, with the intention of slaughtering a certain red squirrel, who was once her boyfriend.

**Conker's POV**

"Conker, that was very rude of you!" Butch scolded me.

"Indeed, that is no way to talk to a fortune-teller!" Rodent scolded me as well.

But I simply ignored them, believing that fortune-telling is nothing but a big hoax. Rodent and Butch simply sighted.

"Yeah well…I just…don't believe in fortune-telling…that's all…" I tried to defend myself. "It's all fake anyway!"

"Madam Marian is no fake Conker, many of her predictions have become real, and those who didn't believe her ended up suffering the consequences and regret ever disbelieving her." Rodent said. "Trust me Conker, I've seen it before!"

"Yeah well…" I tried to talk back until Butch stood up.

"Bonker and I used to have a friend who didn't believe in Madam Marian's fortune-telling and…" Butch trailed off.

"And…?" I asked raising my eyebrow.

"Well, the prediction said not to be over-confident and do things on your own, or he would suffer grave consequences…" Butch explained. "…he didn't believe her of course, but in the end, he went on a solo mission, then he got shot by a Tedi and died."

"…" I didn't know how to talk back at that. "Uh, let's just focus on finding Bonker for now, we'll talk about this later. " I said trying to change the topic.

"Yes, let's." Butch agreed.

We continued our way on until we found the largest river of the entire village. It was a beautiful sight indeed, sparkly clean water, and a few small islands in the middle too.

"Hey look!" A grunt pointed out something…or someone standing on top of a large boulder on one of the small islands.

It appeared to be a large, muscular grey furred squirrel, that may seem like a brute, but is actually kind-hearted, wearing mystic clothes and accessories, and holding a walking staff.

"Oh my God! That's him!" Butch gasped in joy.

"That's him?" I asked.

"YES!" Butch cried with joy.

"Well, then, let's go talk to him!" I went ahead with Rodent and the grunts, however, despite his happiness, Butch seemed to hesitate.

"What's the matter Butch?" Rodent asked.

"Oh, it's been such a long time that I've seen Bonker, what if he doesn't recognize me at all?" Butch hesitated. "Or…or…"

"Come on, don't be a pussy Butch and let's go!" I said.

"Don't worry Butch, we'll just say hi and then we'll move on to important matters!" Rodent suggested.

"Um, okay…" Butch said.

And so, we went ahead and somehow managed to get a boat to reach the island on whish Bonker was on. As we approached him, Rodent and I let Butch go ahead on his wheelchair as he approached Bonker who appeared to be meditating on top of the boulder.

"B-Bonker!" Butch called nervously.

Bonker quietly woke up from his meditation, turned around and saw his old partner on the wheelchair; a smile appeared on his face.

"Butch…" Bonker said in a calm tone. "It has been a long time old friend."

"It sure has been a long time old partner." Butch replied with a smile. "For a moment I was afraid that you would have forgotten all about me."

"No Butch, I may be a whole new person now, but I haven't forgotten who my friends are." Bonker replied smiling too as he walked down the boulder.

"Well that's good to know, because you see, we have a huge problem on our hands and probably you too." Butch said.

The moment is ruined when they hear gunfire explosions and tragic screaming coming from the village; Rodent, Butch, Bonker, the other soldiers and I looked to see fire coming from the village.

"Something's up in the village!" a grunt cried.

"Oh #&%$!" another grunt cursed. "It's those Tediz bastards!"

I noticed the Tediz transport, I knew it became of the symbol on it. "Damn! Guess we've got stop them!" I said. "Move out men!"

The grunts battle cried as they scatter into the village, Rodent and I, along with a few grunts stayed to help out Butch convince Bonker.

"You hear that Bonker? The Tediz are back and are attacking the village! We've gotta stop them!" Butch cried.

"If this is about me rejoining the SHC, it will not be possible." Bonker said. "Cosmic has told me to lose myself and not return until the red water runs pure and so, it is here, where I shall stay."

"Come on Bonker, I know deep inside you still feel guilty about that incident!" Butch started to become emotional. "I NEVER blamed you for this wheelchair! Where is the Bonker I once knew? The one who would always jump into the battlefield and demolish the Tediz forces? Where is the SHC Demolisher who would aways blow away first and not bother asking questions later? WHERE THE #$%& IS HE?"

Bonker looked down in shame. "I'm sorry Butch, I tried to save you but…" he begins to cry. "I just wasn't strong enough!"

"Get a hold of yourself man!" Butch shouted, Bonker continues to sob. "Like I said: I don't blame you for the wheelchair and NEVER had! The only thing that makes me feel bad is losing my best friend and partner!"

"Yes Bonker, we need you back!" Rodent joined in. "More than ever now!"

"Yeah, get over it and help us out!" I joined in.

Bonker calmed down a little. "Butch and Rodent and…Red Squirrel…I understand you want me back and I indeed want to help you, but I gave my word to Cosmic that I would stay here and "peacefully" meditate, until the red water ran pure." He explained.

"Well then, what if you help us peacefully?" Butch suggested. "You don't need to punch or blow up anyone!"

"Yes! Now that is something that I can do!" Bonker appears to be interested. "Keep it peaceful and I will help you out anyway I can!"

"That's the spirit!" Butch said. "So here's the score: you can help us, by escorting the villagers to safety, while we keep the Tediz off your back! As a student of the Australian Dreamtime, I'm pretty sure you must have learned to perform the "spiritual shield" move?"

"Of course, right on my first week of training!" Bonker replied. "However, the shield isn't invincible and if it takes too much damage, I lose the shield momentarily."

"That won't be a problem!" Butch replied. "Conker, Rodent and the others will be willing to help ya out while saving the villagers!"

"Yeah!" Rodent. "Plus, my suit of armor is indestructible and Conker here is quite skilled in armed and unarmed combat!"

"Yeah man, we've got your back!" I agreed.

"Awesome!" Bonker shouted happily. "Keep those Tedi bastards off my back while I protect the villagers and lead them to safety!"

"You've got it!" Rodent and I saluted, Bonker salutes back.

"Good luck! I would help you, but my condition prevents me to." Butch said.

"Stay Butch, I don't want you to suffer any further harm, so remain here with these other grunts until we get back!" Bonker suggested. "Let's go Rodent and Red Squirrel!"

"Let's go!" Rodent said.

"Yeah, but don't call me "Red Squirrel", my name is Conker, Conker the Squirrel!" I said a tad annoyed.

"Sorry, Conker the Squirrel, let's go!"

And so, Rodent, Bonker and I headed back to the village to stop the Tediz and save the village, while Butch and the group of grunts remained on the island on guard.

A/N: Here you go! Hope you like it so far! If you want to see what happens next, stay tuned for the next chapter of **CONKER: LIVE & RELOADED**! Don't forget to R&R, please! It would make me very happy!


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